Loss of communication in a relationship
Loss of communication in a relationship can be painful but for some people speaking up is just too scary.
You're scared of causing an argument so you swallow your feelings to keep the peace while the resentment builds up inside.
Steps in building a healthy relationship.
Loss of communication in a relationship occurs when painful feelings swamp your ability to perceive and communicate what is right for you.
When you don't know what's true for you, it's easier to blame the other person or say nothing and go along with everything. So begins the attack and defend dance.
This dance is cyclic with intermittent outbursts of anger, shutting down or breaking up. It lasts as long as you can put up with it, but you might get sick from doing so.
You learn how to communicate in your family of origin. Your communications style is fairly well set by the age of three years old.So if you grew up in a family that intimidated you, you might scare, bully or threaten others also.
On the other hand, it's possible that the intimidating interactions so frightened you as a child that you became quiet and invisible. Speaking up was just too risky.
What if your family communicated by seduction. Then you'll seduce others by using guilt. You might say things like " you'll do it for me if you love me" or "you wouldn't do that if you knew how much it hurt me."
Dysfunctional families make it worse.
If you’ve grown up in a mildly (or severely) dysfunctional family, you’ll often have little or no skills to navigate relationships in a healthy way.
The problem is that you're often unaware that your inability to communicate is directly related to your unconscious pain, motivations and drives. Consequently, you remain oblivious of your contribution to the disruptions and breakdowns in your relationships.
Rather, you tend to act and habitually respond in ways that cause you and your spouse, partner or lover allot of unhappiness and at times suffering. But you're helpless to know what it is that you’re doing or not doing that is causing the problem.
Primal therapy heals the past.
In order to heal your relationship or have healthier more satisfying relationships, you must understand how your communication reflects your underlying pain. It might mean doing some feeling work to reconcile certain aspects of your past before you can learn new ways of speaking and interacting.
Primal therapy is very much about healing the past. It also facilitates a deep understanding of what it is to be human. Healing the past makes it easier for you to make changes in your present and future behaviour. Why? Because you're reducing (and in some cases eliminating) the pain that holds them in place.
It’s important to understand that healing your childhood wounds and the pain it causes is only one step in the process of building a healthy relationship.
New skills for day to day living.
For some couples, it’s essential that they not only work on their respective unresolved childhood needs but also to learn new skills for day to day living. Learning how to live as a healthy man and as a healthy woman.
You may have no idea how to behave like a healthy masculine man or woman or a feminine man or woman. Sadly, this is normal for many families in this day and age.
It’s essential to understand that some men and some women tend to behave in masculine ways, while other men and other women tend to behave in feminine ways. These behaviour traits occur due to biological reasons but can also occur as a result of childhood trauma; especially, if the trauma is before the age of ten years old.
Conventional therapy tends to ignore this concept, but it dictates the type of relationship and mates you choose as well as your interactions with them. It will also dictate whether or not you avoid relationships altogether.
But being able to take responsibility for your pain and projection and behave as a healthy integrated adult male or female is only one part of a healthy relationship as mentioned. The second part is being able to communicate and negotiate you “wants” and “don’t wants” using language.
New ways of communicating and negotiating.
Couples (and singles) who have not resolved some of their pain driven behaviours and defence systems can find it difficult to learn new ways of communicating and negotiating. Loss of communication in a relationship will be the norm along with not speaking at all.
It's difficult to learn anything new under conditions of attack and defend. It becomes a matter of survival. Other couples who are less wounded as individuals and who spend less time in either attacking or defending find it easier acquiring new communication skills.
There are clear and detectable biological, psychological and social problems and patterns underlying most romantic, intimacy and relationship difficulties. What is healthy for a man is very different from what is healthy for a woman, and this too is frequently overlooked when couples seek help or therapy.
Being in any committed relationship takes effort and knowledge to maintain. Chemistry and compatibility are great foundations, but you might require some help if the communication between your breaks down or becomes destructive.
Healing past wounds from early family life is important. So too is dealing with the here-and-now experiences and loss of communication in the relationship.
Interested in finding out if primal therapy can help you? Contact us today...
Safely lessen or eliminate painful emotions and feelings from your past.